It won't be too much longer until Steve and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Married life hasn't been easy. We both entered our marriage wounded, and too often we've wounded one another. Wouldn't it be easier to go the way of the world and consult a lawyer instead of the Lord? I've wondered. But every time we have cried out to God, there was only one answer He would give, "Stay married." Today we are reaping the blessings of obedience.
When I've asked Christians why they divorced, they gave answers like, "It was an impossible situation." Consider the verse that says, "nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37). Others said, "I didn't have the strength to go on in the marriage," "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength," came to my mind.
After asking the "Why did you divorce?" question many times over, I became convinced the reason Christians decide to file for divorce is because most often they believe lies - many of the same lies I was tempted to believe. Also, they are not well acquainted with the truths of the Scriptures - the weapon God has given us to combat those lies.
The following are more excuses people have given for divorce, and some I have entertained, coupled with truth from Scripture. Even if you have been divorced because you, or your ex-spouse, or both embraced lies in the past, there is still great benefit in embracing truth right where you are.
| Man's
Lies |
God's Truth |
| God
told me to get a divorce. |
"I
hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel... Malachi 2:16 |
| I
have done everything in my power to get this marriage to work. |
"Not
by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the LORD Almighty.
Zechariah 4:6 |
| I
tried to fix things - stitch things together, but it didn't work. |
...In
him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17 |
| I
couldn't respect my husband/wife. |
Show
respect for all men ... treat them honorably... I Peter 2:17 (Amplified) |
| I
had to protect my sanity. |
You
are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with
songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7 |
| Divorce
was the only way. |
And
yet I will show you a still more excellent say - one that is better by far
and the highest of them all LOVE. I Corinthians 12:31 ( Amplified) |
| It
was my last chance for happiness. |
And
whoever trusts in the LORD, happy is he. Proverbs 16:20 |
| The
Lord brought another person into my life; my heart tells me that he/she's
the only one for me. |
The
heart is deceitful above all things... Jeremiah 17:19 |
| I
couldn't bear it anymore. |
Bear
with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one
another... Colossians 3:13 |
| We
were constantly at war. |
For
our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against
the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12 |
| What
my husband/wife did was unforgivable. |
Forgive
as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 |
| My
husband/wife didn't meet my needs. |
And
my God will meet all your needs according to HIs glorious riches in Christ
Jesus. Phillippians 4:19 |
| I
hurt too much. |
Lord,
who may dwell in your sanctuary? ...who keeps his oath even when it hurts.
Psalm 15:1,4 |
| My
lawyer (pastor, counselor) told me it would be the best thing. |
I
will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go... Psalms
32:8 |
| Our
problems were too hard to solve. |
Is
anything too hard for the LORD? Genesis 18:14 |
| I
couldn't wait any longer for my husband/wife to change. |
Wait
on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart...
Psalms 27:14 |
| I
just needed to be free. |
Then
you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32 |
| I
thought divorce was the best |
I
have spread out my hands all the day to a rebellious people, who walk in
a way that is not good, after their own thoughts. Isaiah 65:2 (Amplified) |
| I
just knew it was the right thing to do. |
There
is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.
Proverbs 14:12 |
| I
talked and talked, and he wouldn't listen. |
...they
may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they
see the purity and reverence of your lives. I Peter 3:1-2 |
| There
was no help for my marriage. |
God
is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalms
46:1 |
| I
couldn't trust my spouse. |
Trust
in the Lord with all your heart... Proverbs 3:5 |
| My
spouse said such cruel things to me. |
He
who dwells in the shelter of the Most High...will not fear the terror of
night, nor the arrow that flies by day. Psalms 91:1,5 |
| I
didn't love him/her anymore. |
Love
never fails - never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end.
I Corinthians 13:8 (Amplified) |
| I
was empty. I had nothing left in me to go on in the marriage. |
Open
wide your mouth and I will fill it. Psalms 81:10 |
| Divorce
was my only way to be delivered. |
The
LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer. Psalms 18:2 |
| I
felt like I was dying inside. |
I
die daily - that is, that I face death every day and die to self.
I Corinthians 15:31 (Amplified) |
| There
was no hope for our marriage. |
May
the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so
that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans
15:13 |
The next time one of these lies or others tempt you, don't turn to a friend who's divorced or the latest books which attempt to give Christians biblical loopholes for divorce. Turn to God and to His Word - not just for an answer for your current marriage crisis but to build an intimate relationship with Him. He will make you into the wife or husband He wants you to be - one who is capable of loving a less-than-perfect spouse. And don't forget to pray for faith - faith to believe that God's promises in scripture apply to you - and your marriage.
